


Girls' Day - Another P*nis Lamp Drabble

by Buttercupbadass



Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types, Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins
Genre: Childish snickering, F/M, MCM lust, Phallic References, Phallic visuals, The Penis Lamp, Thrift store Penis Lamp, We've all seen the lamp, you know what you're in for
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-03
Updated: 2020-02-03
Packaged: 2021-02-28 07:14:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22539934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Buttercupbadass/pseuds/Buttercupbadass
Summary: Effie and her girls have a day out and discover a lamp with a particular appeal.Yes, another drabble inspired by the thriftstore lamp.
Comments: 20
Kudos: 20
Collections: Eggplants Peaches Cacti Oh My! (or The Lamp that led to one thing then another)





	Girls' Day - Another P*nis Lamp Drabble

**Author's Note:**

  * For [endlessnightlock (Endlessnightlock)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Endlessnightlock/gifts), [MegaAuLover](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MegaAuLover/gifts).



> This is my contribution to the ridiculous drabble series dedicated to a thrift store lamp. I hope whoever now owns that wooden wonder appreciates it for its erect glory. It inspired this blocked writer to whip out a drabble after long hard drought.
> 
> My thanks to EndlessNightlock for editing this hastily phone typed drabble and for starting all this silly goodness.

Their men were off on a fishing trip to celebrate Haymitch’s fiftieth birthday- the trip Effie had so unselfishly allowed because it provided cover for her and the girls to slip away to pick up the perfect present for her notoriously hard to shop for husband. 

She had scoured the Internet for months looking for just the right gift to give her beloved but grumpy husband. She located just the thing in an Antique shop four hours away in a quiet river town. So, this ‘Girl’s Day’ as she calls it, finds Effie, Katniss, Johanna and Madge in an absurdly large SUV heading out to the middle of nowhere.

Haymitch spoke often of his desire to fill his Man Cave with a leather easy chair just like the one he remembered his father having. His Man Cave, aka his office, was set apart from the rest of the house and was the only room Effie had zero say in the decoration. 

This vexed Effie to no end as she feared this mysterious easy chair and it’s inclusion into their house. She pictured an overstuffed leather recliner with oversized arms and, god forbid, cup holders. 

Imagine her relief when she found out that the exact chair Haymitch so desired was actually an icon of mid-century modern furniture. The Eames Chair, with its moulded wood and leather cushions, would make a delightful addition to their home. Not only did she approve- she made it her mission to locate one. 

Finding it in a quiet river town antique shop was a surprise. She tried to have it shipped, but the crotchety owner refused and told her she’d have to come pick it up herself and bring help as he had a bad back and couldn’t help her load it.

So Effie and the girls took off shortly after their significant others left to harass fish. Four women, who on the surface should never be friends but through circumstances found themselves a tight group, headed out for a day away from the stresses of their life. 

The ride was pleasant despite Effie’s chatter and Johanna’s snoring. They had a delightful lunch overlooking the river before finally heading over to meet the shop owner at the designated time. 

Upon entering the shop Effie immediately sneezes and holds her hands up as to not accidentally be “soiled by the dust.” 

Madge, who joins Effie in the single minded search to locate the chair, moves swiftly and deeper into the shop. 

Johanna veers off from the group first and heads to a display of antique weapons. 

Katniss, overwhelmed by the amount of crap, freezes in the doorway. She’s the first to locate the chair near the front of the store. The others had walked right past it! After calling to Effie, she checks the price tag and is shocked. Why would anyone pay that much for a used chair?

Effie’s squeal of delight calls the attention of the shop owner. As they begin the negotiation and inspection, Katniss bores quickly and sets off to explore. 

She is inspecting a small antique dresser, when she sees it. It draws her in like a phallic siren. A lamp with a dirty wicker shade, illuminating what can only be described as multiple wooden dildos of varying sizes, all shaped by nature and arranged reaching proudly toward the light. She can’t look away. It has her in its thrall and she is struck dumb by its glory and mystery. Why would someone create such a thing and why wouldn’t someone create such a thing?

“Brainless, Brainless!” Johanna’s call goes unheeded as Katniss, ashamed of her attention to such an item, refuses to acknowledge her. “Hey, whatcha looking at? Whoa!” 

Ah, the sirens call has gotten her too and she stares gobsmacked at the driftwood wonder. 

Johanna, always so much bolder and open than her ultra private friend, is compelled to action as her hand reaches out to grasp the phallus closest to her like she is shaking the hand of an old friend. There is little preamble, just the smack of her palm on the polished wood. 

Katniss tentatively reaches out and grasps one that seems somewhat familiar just as Madge approaches carrying an armload of colorful dishes.

“Hey Katniss, are these the dishes the kind Hazelle...” her query is cut short by the sight of her friends manhandling the sculpture. “Wow, that’s...”. It has sucked her in too now, and her appraisal ends as her tongue stops working. Madge approaches, lulled by its hypnotic pull. 

She sets the dishes down, forgetting the gift she was going to buy her mother in law.  
.  
Madge stares at her friends then back to the lamp, appraising the remaining options first she looks at the one closest to her but it’s small and unappealing, she cocks her head to get a better view and sees one closer to Johanna that has a gentle curve that she finds pleasing and comfortable. She reaches across the lamp to grasp it firmly and possessively. 

Johanna, cocks an eyebrow in approval.

Seconds pass in silence until the click clack of approaching in-sensible heels. “Ladies, we better get it loaded up, it’s ...”. Effie stops mid-sentence at the sight of her three friends. “Really girls, are we twelve? Honestly.” She huffs is disapproval. “ We have a long trip back and I’d like to get this set up before Haymitch comes home. Let go of the lamp. Really!” 

And just like that, the spell is broken. Effie’s rebuff breaks the thrall. 

Johanna and Katniss follow Effie as Madge picks up the Fiestaware she was going to buy Hazelle to head to the register. Katniss, looking over her shoulder, swears the lamp dims a little in its defeat.

Outside in the bright light of day, the girls don’t speak of what they did. They load up the car and somehow manage to fit the chair and ottoman in the cargo area of the absurdly large SUV. They close the back gate and take their seats in silence. 

“Where is she?” Johanna complains when Effie doesn’t make an appearance. 

“Open the back!” Effie orders from outside the car as the totters across the gravel parking lot in her heels. The friends scramble out of the car in amazement as they watch Effie struggle with both hands full of polished wooden glory! Her manicured fingers firmly wrapped around the largest timber. A bag containing the shade is dangling from her wrist. Madge opens the door, and Effie sets it in. Without its shade it stands proud and majestic and the women stand back to admire it.

“The owner gave me a deal; it's an artist signed original. I thought it would look nice next to Haymitch’s chair. He likes wooden, rustic things.”

“Well it’s certainly, Wood.” Johanna says as the door closes. The women get in the car and it’s silent as they click their seatbelts. 

It starts with a cough from Madge as she tries to stifle a giggle. Katniss giggles outright, and then, as Effie puts the car in reverse to back out of the parking spot, Johanna lets loose with a full out belly laugh. The two other girls also burst into laughter.

Effie huffs and slams the car into park. Her shoulders shake and momentarily silence her friends as they think she’s upset with their juvenile behavior. But it’s quickly clear that Effie is laughing with them. “I don’t know if I can keep a straight face when I give it to him. I mean, .. Penises . I bought my husband a Penis lamp.”

“You could say it reminded you of him.” Katniss says innocently which starts the laughter anew. 

Inside the little antique shop in the quiet river town in the middle of nowhere, Cesar Flickerman watches as the four city girls laugh hysterically in their absurdly large SUV. He counts the wad of cash in his hand before he walks to the back of his shop. He opens a door and enters his work room. Grabbing a piece of driftwood, he begins sanding. “Better make another one.”


End file.
